A fortnight in photos: June 2015
A friend made this amazing meringue… to celebrate another friend’s 30th (which we photographed on her instant camera, hence the glorious 70s tinge to the second photo)…
Beating procrastination (and feeling a weight lift)
Yesterday I did something I have been putting off for almost two years.
I’ve written it on endless lists, talked about it to friends, got opinions from people in the know, and worried about it every single time I’ve driven since I decided it would be a good idea to fix.
And yet it was only yesterday that I eventually managed to take Poppy down to Maldon and get her four new tyres.
Yeah. TWO YEARS.
Now while my old tyres weren’t (quite) illegal, neither were they performing brilliantly in the soggy weather we’ve had recently. Consequently I’ve been worrying about longer trips, and freaking out as soon as I realise it’s raining or icy outside, for the past two years. Not to mention driving people mad with the response “I’d love to, but let me check my tyre treads first…”
And yet it took me a five minute phone call to check the tyres were in stock, a twenty minute drive to a place I trust, 90 mins for them to strip, refit, fit my new alloys and redo the alignment on all four wheels, and a twenty minute drive home (with a two hour pitstop at my Gran’s for tea and biscuits). Less than a morning’s worth of work – and the moment I started her engine to leave the tyre fitter’s, I felt a huge weight literally float up off my shoulders.
So why did I put it off so long? I think it felt scary and expensive, and I think some fear got in there as well – what if I don’t know what to reply when they ask for sizes / what if I order the wrong ones / what if, what if, what if. All while also worrying constantly and subconsciously I was going to lose my licence for having sub-standard grip on my tyres if the police pulled me over. (turns out they were still legal, but close to the limit – so all my worrying was quite literally for no reason.)
And yet to beat that epic round of procrastination, all it took in the end was a reminder from my friend Nic, a phone call, and a few hours on a Saturday morning, and now I can relax and enjoy driving my car again. I feel good, and also slightly sheepish.
A lesson I’m hoping to take into other parts of my life – I can think of another few things that get nudged from one list to another endlessly, and build up to be something more than they are – when they’d probably only actually take a little while to remove from my job list entirely.
What do you needlessly procrastinate about? (Go on, share your stories and make me feel better…!)
With love and unicorns,
PS The garage I used was George Tyres in Maldon – highly recommended (and sensibly priced, as well as very reassuring), if you’re in the area 🙂
Discovering photography
I discovered photography in 2006, when working at the Telegraph with a creative director who was utterly obsessed with the medium.
He helped me choose my first ‘proper’ camera – a Panasonic DMZ-500 bridge, I believe – and encouraged me to go out shooting at lunchtime, on the train, at weekends.
(with my beloved Panasonic – and to give you an idea of timescale, LOOK HOW SHORT MY HAIR IS…)
I took self portraits everywhere, mainly because I found it easier to use myself as a model than faff either asking a stranger or organising a proper shoot.
After my intern year finished, while my boyfriend of the time revised for his Masters exams, I took myself off on photo walks around our home town. I took accidental pony porn, terrible close ups of flowers, pictures of cars, dogs on walks, woods, people, shops.
Most of them were technically awful, but by that time I was addicted to the feel of the camera in my hands, the click and whirr of the lens, the ability to capture a moment in time by pressing a button.
Eight years on, I’m still blogging and still photographing – and recently rediscovering just how much I love the click of that shutter and committing moments to paper or pixels. And the pull of creating what’s in my head through my lens is as strong as ever – it’s an elusive thrill but one I never tire of chasing. It’s kept me sane through ups and downs more times than I can remember. And my camera is probably the one inanimate object I’d save from a fire if I could only pick one thing.
I’ll be forever grateful to Himesh for starting me on that journey and giving me the confidence to try a new art form without worrying about the results.
What’s your starting-photography story? Did you grow up camera in hand, or discover it a little (or a lot) later in life?
How self portraits healed my grief
2007 and 2008 show up in my archives as self portrait upon self portrait upon self portrait.
In a time before the word “selfie” existed, and when Facebook was only a year or two old, it was less about exhibitionism and more about discovering myself and improving my skills as a photographer at the same time.
Following the break up of a seven year relationship with my childhood sweetheart at the end of 2007, I had no idea how to deal with it and quickly retreated into my own little world with my camera to try and make sense of my grief. While driving my friends and family to distraction with my circular thoughts and endless tears, I took photo after photo after photo, both posed and candid.
I started a 365 project which can be seen here, though not all the images are publicly visible – they’re mainly snapshots but having a zero-faff daily project helped so much:
Created with flickr slideshow.
They can also be seen here on my Flickr account if the slideshow is playing silly buggers (internet explorer, I’m looking at you…)
The daily ritual of remembering to take and upload my photo, of finding new ways to see myself, to pose, places to be – they helped me see myself as a whole person, not the half of a couple I had always been. I learned how to be me, how to be by myself and how to be happy alone… crucial lessons for rebuilding my current happier, brighter, colourful life.
In essence I suppose photographed my way around my broken heart, fixing the break with pixels and colour and light. The thing I’d adopted as one of my many interests and developed as a skill ultimately helped me find myself again, deal with the pain, shed my old self and move on with my life.
Looking back at those photos I took, I can see (because hindsight is magic, but also because I have changed so, so much in that time) the girl I was and the woman I am. I can see the pain I was in and my desperate hope that it would somehow turn out to be a bad dream, but I can also see my true personality peeking out, though at the time I didn’t notice it. And it’s like getting to know a little sister after a long absence… it’s bittersweet to see her ups and downs and I wish I could tell her it would all be ok. More than ok – it’ll be rather wonderful a few years down the line!
And as the catalyst for a curious life – well, seven years later I’m still photographing my way through this world, and learning daily from it.
I’m thinking of doing another series soon – drop me a note if you’d like to join me!
Last months of 2013 in photos
In no particular order – regular posting will resume on at least one of my sites in the new year!
“The best cookies in the world” according to Pinterest – one of my only Pinterest makes to date. Rob and I made one batch to eat, I made a second for my girls’ murder mystery party, and Clover-kitty successfully trashed the last batch – I found myself picking dough out of her fur while having hysterical giggles.
Ready to go swing dancing – hoping for a lindy hop class to start at uni in the new year 🙂
Burlesque cabaret night – I was stallholding rather than dancing, but it was lovely to be back in corset and frillies!
Mum and Dad’s 40th anniversary party at their house – it was really lovely to have everyone over and celebrate what seems to me a massive achievement 🙂
Luna-kitty is a very modern familiar and disdains brooms in favour of a Dyson – much faster!
Brighton outdoor ice rink with lovely Em
More or less front row seats at the Andalusian Gala evening at Olympia 
And earlier in the year, magical light on my morning ‘commute’!
And last but not least, the reason I’ve not been blogging much – my beloved kitties. They’ve been with me three weeks today and I cannot believe how quickly they’ve become the centre of my little world 🙂
Baking is apparently in my genes…
If you’ve been reading this blog for more than about five minutes, you’ll notice I bake intermittently, but often. (As I live alone, I don’t dare have a regular baking day or I’d eat all the results practically before they came out of the oven.)
Last weekend, my parents were over helping me to build (ok, ok, Dad was building) a shelter for my soon-to-arrive barbecue, and during a coffee break, Mum casually dropped into conversation that my great-grandfather and great-grandmother ran a bakery of their own from the 1920s to the 1950s.
Why this particular morsel of information has never come up before, I don’t know – but it would appear that Fred’s Bakery was the family business until it was sold sometime in the fifties.
This, to me, provides a perfect explanation for why I bake when I’m sad, and why my baking usually turns out relatively well; why it’s perfectly normal for me to have memorised several recipes which I can bake at a moment’s notice, even in a kitchen I’ve never used before; and why I’m so fiercely determined to work for myself – my family have had their own businesses for nearly a hundred years!
I'm Carla, a quirky thirtysomething with a penchant for unicorns and glitter. I believe in magic and make-believe, and the gorgeous rebellion of making your life absolutely your own. And I'm a proud multipod!
I am a photographer and catalyst for small business owners, and a real life mermaid. I photograph people as they truly are, help women see and step into their brightest and best selves, add a sprinkling of magic to the mundane, and am a happy ambassador for stationery and slow living.
Proud to be both girly and geeky, when I’m not writing, photographing or daydreaming, you can find me dancing burlesque, riding my bicycle Bluebell, growing herbs and collecting typewriters.