Title borrowed from something Mimi said to me earlier today. It summed up perfectly how I feel right now – tense, bubbly, ready to explode with all the exciting things that are happening but also slightly reluctant, nervous, apprehensive. And yet much more so, positive, forward looking, decisive and determined. It’s wonderful but slightly unnerving, feeling all these things at once.
I’m on my way to a meeting to talk about one of the many exciting ventures that are currently building and falling into place in my life. I do feel, despite some ups and some serious downs, that I am shortly to be exactly where I am meant to be, where I have been leading to both deliberately and unconsciously, for all of my adult life.
The Olympics are over and the Paralympics don’t start for another two weeks – London is in limbo, but we truly have inspired more than a generation.
For me, watching the games, experiencing the atmosphere and observing the grace, belonging and dedication of those athletes, doing something they truly love – it made me realise that I need to stop waiting for my dreams to magically happen, and go and get then instead. This means creating something rather than looking for a compromised version, making it happen instead of hoping it will fall into my lap if I wait long enough. In short, stop watching, start doing – my dreams will only happen if I make them.
I also tried to take up running, something which I’m almost certain will be quite short lived. I prefer wheels to feet. But can’t hurt to try something new, right?
So I am considering, planning, weighing up options. The response I’ve had from the few, varied, people I have whispered my tentative plans to has been overwhelmingly positive – I wasn’t looking for validation but support, and I have cried more than once at how lucky I am to have these kinds of friends and family. Unwavering, loyal, but also honest – and help me see things I may have overlooked about myself.
I have a definite timescale, defined by things outside my control. But that’s no bad thing. It adds to my focus, makes me even more determined.
This is a hazy vision of my future, I know, but watch this space – my custom-made life is about to develop like a photograph in a darkroom…