Oops… two years later
There is the smallest possibility that I am spread too thin these days – I haven’t posted on here since JUNE 2023. It’s now June 2025… oops. It’s been on my list for all that time but I just haven’t found the time and the oomph at the same time!
Not for lack of wanting to, and I have been both stuck in writer’s block and trying to write across my other sites in that time… but I miss blogging for blogging’s sake. Just recording my life, musing on things, saving inspiration and having it all there to look back on months and years later.
What’s brought this nostalgia fit on? I searched for the “Secret” chocolate bar of the 90s after a conversation the other day and found that my own blog post on here is one of the top results. And then found the how it is made thread I’d linked to from an ex-Rowntrees employee, and fell down the rabbit hole all over again.
When I emerged, I remembered why I fell in love with blogging 21+ years ago – because it’s a digital scrapbook of a life well lived.
And of course now I’m here I can’t remember what has happened in the last couple of years to update you on!
I moved studios at the end of 2023, to my glorious little studio/office/tiny reception gallery space at the bottom of Wivenhoe, and it’s been transformational in many ways. Things are still slower than I’d like them to be, but that’s more down to the world being a dumpster fire than anything else, plus the aforementioned doing too many things at once.
Stardust the carousel unicorn came home to live permanently at my new studio in November 2024, and he makes me smile every day. I’ve also acquired a couple of 3D printed dragons which just lift my spirits!
I’m exhausted but still excited about my personal work, have done several Wivenhoe Art Trails and one Nightfair event since I last posted here, and am slowly finding my artistic style. I’m photographing dolls again and enjoying the articulation that was not present when I first found my love for miniatures!
We closed subscriptions for Ink Drops in February 2024, after 13 years, and it has been the most incredible relief not to have the relentlessness of monthly deadlines every month. Since then the shop took off, and then we hit year end and realised we’d be in a much better financial position if we weren’t a limited company any more. So we put everything on hiatus, closed the company and are about to relaunch as a sole trader partnership.
Side note, I thought closing a ltd company when Dad passed away was awful and slow and drawn out because he was dead. No, turns out Anna and I are alive and kicking and cooperative and enthusiastic (if tired) and it was still an awful, slow, drawn out process. Who knew? So for the first time since 2012, I am only a sole trader and no longer a director of anything, which is weird but nice (and makes my tax return a whole lot easier).
Podcast is going strong, I’ve launched a networking group with Utterly Horses Becky, who I reconnected with in early 2024, TEMPRD is still doing its thing, growing well but also suffering like all chocolate businesses from the insane rise in price of cocoa and the relentless rising costs of everything else.
Two years have seen a lot of deaths – I won’t dwell on those – but we do have some new small humans and a couple more on the way this year, which is exciting. Gran’s still with us and we celebrate her 96th birthday on Sunday, and I am still loving getting to know her as a person rather than just as my Gran. She has the best stories from her life in Kenya!
Luna & Clover turn 12 this month, and are still the best decision I ever made, ever – I love them so much and they are silly, fluffy, affectionate balls of purry fluff who make my life better on a daily basis (and also quite stressful occasionally, but they’re totally worth it).
Hmm, what else – I published my first book a year ago this month, Visual Magic – a DIY guide to brand photography – in ebook, and at some point I’ll get organised and get it out in paperback too. I was featured in Bella DePaulo’s Single at Heart book, and recognised in it by an old colleague from UoE at the most recent art trail, which was a really nice surprise.
The last six months or so I’ve been line dancing and rollerskating again – line dancing is still familiar and joyful and I’m just learning new dances to music I love now, rollerskating is still familiar and joyful but I’ve also been on a vertical learning curve around wheels, bearings, pivot cups, maintenance, and customising. Slowly making progress, and really hoping Rollerworld will eventually have a proper permanent home again.
Foiled Again workshops grew out of foiling an old pair of cowboy boots and then my skates, and having successfully completed two test workshops I’m hoping to run actual ones for real people in the not too distant future.
Photography is still my main thing and my first love, and while I love brand photography and always will, I am getting more clarity around the fantasy work and my art – still slow progress, but all in the right direction.
I won’t even touch the subject of AI here, but have been writing about it over on the CWP blog today.
And maybe most dramatic of all, I’ve finally closed Mermaiding UK properly and let the domain name go, and started Colourful Magical Weirdo as an instagram, YouTube channel and Substack to give me one place to talk about all my business stuff at once.
Which I guess here could be, too – but here has always felt more like my personal diary, and I didn’t necessarily want a whole blog on CMW yet… although maybe, now I feel a bit more like I’ve found my writing mojo again. We’ll see.
Health wise, I’m still on Elvanse and still learning to work with its weird side effects, but I think it’s helping; I haven’t yet released my ADHD diaries on here but one day will let all the posts out in one go in the hope they might help someone else. I’ve definitely had some regression which I was not expecting and do not love – but I guess you have to dismantle some stuff to rebuild some better strategies, so we’ll see how we go.
Right now I’m on a course of folic acid which I am desperately hoping will help perk me up after a long, long time of feeling fatigued for no apparent reason. The trigger was when Gran described how she felt in the morning and I felt the same – I’m not 40 yet, she’s 95, that’s a big gap!!
Ok, that’ll probably do for now as I wasn’t planning on doing an enormous update, just popping in because it’s been on my list to update over here forever. And more importantly, I feel like blogging again – a feeling I haven’t had for a really long time, and I want to make the most of it while it’s here.
Hopefully it won’t be another two years before I post here again!!
Titles are not my strongest point
It’s summer again and I have no idea how that happened – two weeks ago I was wearing fluffy socks after a shoot at the start of June and sulking about it 😂 Today my car read 32 degrees celsius when I got back into it after networking and it’s only now at almost midnight that it’s starting to feel bearably cool enough to sleep.
As ever, I logged in impulsively to write a big life update and now can’t remember any of what I wanted to write.
Kittens are wonderful – still doing slightly weird things with poo (Luna) and puking (Clovie) but on the whole they are glorious. I have hit peak cat lady and bought a baby sling (rainbow, obviously) to attempt to get some use of my hands and arms back in the evenings when Luna gets super cuddly. Obviously the day it arrived, a heatwave hit, so no one wants cuddles at all at the moment because it’s too damn hot!
Friends and family are amazing – we celebrated Gran’s 94th birthday last week which was mad but lovely, and I’ve had a difficult-to-navigate situation that lots of people have been very helpful with. I am regularly extremely grateful for the people in my life, and this season is no exception!
The house is definitely having a seven year itch – it’s actually 8 since I bought it this summer, but I have a few flickering lights, an oven bulb, the extractor fan overhead bulb, a slightly wobbly tap and a couple of other small bits that all need fixing at some point. The garden is doing brilliantly considering how little I manage to water it, and Dad’s rose is abundantly blooming which makes me happy. I think I might even be able to train it to grow round my window in time.
Other stuff that definitely needs doing before winter, somehow, is oiling the decking, restoring the bar, and replacing the greenery on the side fence. And probably also cleaning the BBQ and figuring out how to tell if I have any gas left or not.
I saw my first enormous spider of the season today which I’m not thrilled about, especially as I’d like to spend more time outside during this lovely part of the year where it’s both warm enough and light enough to still be outdoors at 9.30pm.
Had a gorgeous picnic in the woods for J’s half birthday which made me very happy – we all forgot about the mozzies so there were some bites, but on the whole it was beautiful. And all the girls turned up in pretty dresses so I wasn’t the only one in a medieval-style maxi dress on a casual Friday night!
I’ve discovered the Whering app for cataloguing and tracking my wardrobe – this is both delightful and dangerous. And I’ve got a small Vinted addiction… one of my major summer goals is listing all the stuff that I need to part with so I can make more space for beautiful things in my wardrobe!
In treats, I’ve had Sponge Red Velvet cake, all kinds of TEMPRD, Teisseire lemon syrup and a massive box of Fruit Salad sweets – I really do have a sweet tooth, don’t I?! I’m having a cheese savouries and garlic croutons moment too, with my usual beloved breadsticks relegated to the back shelf.
Two new recipes have joined my firm favourites and regular rotations – Vietnamese curry and garlic one pot chicken. Recipes adapted and changed so far from where they started, and they started with several different recipes combined, that I might just have to publish them separately.
I’m slooooowly getting braver at social media including tiktok, and surprising myself by really enjoying the video creation process. I took myself out one Sunday evening for some self portraits on campus and although it was a massive effort, it was also completely and utterly worth it and I felt fabulous afterwards. Must remember to do more of that!
AI is creeping into every conversation – I’ve been experimenting with the words stuff since January this year, but avoiding the imagery because of the uncertainty about how it was trained and whether it was on stolen art.
When Adobe released a Photoshop Beta based on Firefly, with rights managed images forming the basis of how its AI was trained, I decided to give it a go – with distinctly mixed results. It kind of blew my mind, and it kind of made me properly lol – I’ll write in more depth on the art photography blog shortly.
I still think humans are going to balls up AI as a revolution – I can see so much possibility for it to automate and deal with some of the digital muggle tasks, so we can get on with creating and connecting and being humans properly. But I suspect we’ll somehow fuck it up so we make more work for ourselves – we shall see.
I’m reading Chill and Prosper and it’s taking me longer than any other book I’ve ever read because it’s hitting me over the head with realisations every time I pick it up. It’s both unnerving and actually quite exciting!
ADHD wise I’m ok, definitely really noticing the difference when I skip meds, but also wanting the odd day where I do skip them so I can actually eat like a normal person. Allergies are still bollocks – the meds do help and I can’t imagine my life without them now, but as I type I am definitely reaching the part of the day where they wear off and I am snotty and my eyes itch and my nose is blocked and I keep sneezing. Not much fun!
Have had some wonderful networking events and new connections recently which is nice, and work is as manic as it always is – juggling brand shoots, marketing, new fantasy stuff, everyone being obsessed with mermaids, Ink Drops and TEMPRD and the podcast is A Lot. It’s a good lot, but I am definitely still trying to strike a balance that isn’t going to end in burnout again.
I had an emotional moment watching the Merpeople documentary on Netflix – I can’t quite believe that eight years after I got my first tail, and after eight years of talking about it, suddenly we’re mainstream enough to have our own documentary, it’s mad. Again, proper thoughts on that on the art blog soonish.
On that same subject I’ve had some lovely press recently – a whole page in the i newspaper about mermaiding, and with all my pics, a BBC Essex appearance about having cats instead of children, and a cameo piece on WUNC about singlehood by choice. And the big one, finding I’m a star of Bella’s book on singlehood, coming out later on this year. I cried when I read the proofs – it’s surreal but also huge to be part of this very important conversation and what feels a bit like a mini revolution. Like – it’s ok to be single and for that to be the end goal, not the in between state.
And I’m accidentally growing my hair out – haven’t had the time and the money at the same time to get my colours redone for the past 18 months, and now it’s summer and I want to swim and paddle – so I can see a lot more of my natural colour than I usually do. And the unexpected joy of that is that my greys are FINALLY coming through! I know I’m weird – but I’m so excited and have waited for them for so long.
Right – I need to go to bed and had no actual intention of blogging this evening, so am going to find a photo and hit publish and I’ll try for some more stream of consciousness updating soon. I suspect no one reads this any more, which is totally fine – but it’s been the place I deposit my thoughts and ideas and feels and musings for nearly twenty years, so I’m keeping it for me. And if my word waffle is helpful or interesting to anyone else, that’s a glorious bonus!
Most of what I’ve written will get expanded posts of its own on my other sites, so come nose at carlawatkins.com and carlawatkinsphotography.com if you’re curious!
Spring 2023 check in
The months do keep marching on without any regard for how fast they’re speeding by, don’t they?
Just wanted to drop in as this blog was always my main place for recording life, and I’ve not been so good at that in the last few years.
I attended my first women’s circle last night and it was a powerful, healing experience – I cried a lot but in a good way!
I’m actually not even sure what other news to share – I just wanted to hop in while I have five minutes so I don’t only have summer posts once a year!
Maybe I’ll sneak back in and update this post at some stage… I’m sure I had loads I wanted to write, but I can’t remember any of what I planned to put here now I have the post open in front of me!
Skipping through summer
HOW is it August already? And coming up for the end of August at that! I don’t have time for a full update, but I did want to just hop in and record what I’m up to for the summer of 2022… which is nearly over already. Time. It’s oozy and weird.
It’s been manic as always in the Watkins household, and these two little bundles of fluff turned 9 (NINE!!!) in June. They’ve been keeping me entertained through all the madness and are the lights of my life. They seem to be getting a bit friendlier with each other as they get older, too, which is really nice to see.
Right now, I have a massive skip outside my house and am merrily flinging the detritus of the last few years into it at all hours – stuff I’ve cleared out then shoved in a bag in a cupboard, stuff I don’t need any more, stuff I really should have got rid of when I moved back in after the renovations, and a frankly embarrassing amount of recycling because my shed has got a bit out of hand. Out of sight, out of mind would be apt here and it nearly smothered me when I last tried to put it out for normal recycling day.
(Don’t worry, my skip company recycle as long as it’s in the clear bags!)
I’m hoping it’ll help me clear my head and get back on top of things post pandemic.
I realised quite early on in the process that one of the reasons I never make any progress when tidying up (ADHD aside, there’s a whole set of posts about that which are currently set to private but which I might release at some stage), is that I only ever tackle the surface mess.
So I move stuff around, but I’ve never actually sorted out my cupboards, drawers, various storage solutions to make my life easier from the inside out!
Since discovering this I’ve had to try very hard not to just spend hours watching all the life hacks on social media, but I have:
- Transferred all my hanging clothes onto flocked/velvet hangers – they stay on and more fit in the cupboard and I am no longer frustrated by finding half my wardrobe on the floor every time I open it
- Invested in decent stacking washing baskets that are the right size for me to comfortably carry against my hip and support with one arm. Tiny things matter and this makes my laundry safer, easier, and therefore much more likely to happen.
- See also previously investing in two decent, correctly sized, flexible and handled laundry bins for my bedroom, so I can bring them down my narrow stairs without risking death or a broken limb.
- Collected all my pens, pencils, holepunches, scissors, staplers and other office stationery type things into one big box, with the intention of sorting them out so there is a set in every room that needs one.
- Reorganised and labelled my colour coded in tray tower on my desk
- Added a bamboo riser to my desk so I can put my keyboard, mouse and number pad away and actually use my desk for writing
- Sorted out the two massive boxes of books in my room – there’s a small boxful to get rid of and the others all fit in my existing bookshelves, except the precious ones which will get new shelves in my room in due course
- Defrosted the bloody freezer which has been the source of more tears than are reasonable over an electrical appliance over the past couple of years. It took a massive chunk of today but I am SO PLEASED it’s done.
- Installed fly screens on conservatory and office doors so I can have air but no flies. Have had to pin up the bottom so the cats can get in and out (little divas!) but this still reduces the overall annoyance of flies, moths and small birds so I’m happy.
- Ordered and installed new lightbulbs for the various ones round my house which weren’t working
- Ordered three smart plugs so I can finally attempt to put my ceiling fairy lights up in the living room
- Collected all my filing in one place so I can tackle that after I’ve sorted out the house
- Taken the old, broken blinds down in the conservatory and ditched them, and replaced them with new double sided pretty ones (actually did that earlier in the year and they have been a GODSEND in the hot weather – but only got round to getting the old ones out of my garden & shed when the skip arrived last week)
- And a load of other stuff which escapes me right now. But life is feeling more organised and less stressful already.
Things which I still plan to do this summer:
- Replace the cat palace (it’s a cat tree but Clovie is so regal we renamed it) because it’s old and I can’t get it properly clean and it’s done a sterling job in its time
- Get the bureau working as a proper part of the living room, not just a general dumping ground for stuff as I go past
- Fairy lights in the living room, conservatory, my room, spare room and garden
- Loads of art framed & up – even the small postcard sized ones, I’m going for full maximalist effect
- Get all the weeds out and put sand back into the brick section of my patio
- Fully clear the shed and get rid of all the crap in the back while I still have the skip
- Actually do all my filing and get it all in date order again
- Sort out Alexa/Echo with routines to help me as much as possible with admin and stuff
- And some business stuff which can wait for another post!
I’d also really like to start my digital decluttering, sorting out my digital photos and screenshots and stuff, and kicking off my photo albums and scrapbooks plan, although that’s a very long term thing so I’ll see how I go once the main sorting is done.
Things which will probably wait till the spring:
- Restoring my bar
- Painting/oiling my decking
- Putting all my garden plates & ornaments up on the fence
- Cleaning the BBQ properly
- Art framed & up on the big wall up the stairs that I can’t safely reach even with a ladder
- Cleaning gutters & soffits and painting them (god, the stuff you spend money on when you’re an adult)
- Painting my garage doors
- Painting my dresser, desk, sideboard, mirror and fireplace
- Painting the wall behind the bureau
- Sorting out the loft
- Pulling out my desk and cleaning behind it properly – after the experience with the massive spider in the ceiling corner the other day, I’m just leaving well alone
I have failed to wild swim or take my beloved Malaika boat out at all this year, but I have managed to do some really lovely things:
- A halfway day with Claire and the doglet she was looking after
- A day in Lavenham with Emma & Esther and my rainbow dress, where I found some antique treasures (a steampunk peacock, a seafaring wooden box, a magpie puppet and a beautiful book about hares)
- Stargazing from Ally’s hot tub at night
- Being on national TV for the first time with TEMPRD
- Drive my lovely visiting family around (Mum’s cousins, Gran’s niece and husband, so my… second cousins I think?) while they were here from Oz
- Sat in the garden with a few different friends and put the world to rights
- Eaten a lot of cake with various people
- Been featured in a mixed exhibition at the NaviStitch gallery throughout July
- Celebrated my fourth freedom birthday (the fourth anniversary of leaving my day job for good)
- Had a stall at Wivenhoe Regatta dressed as a pirate
- Had an eye test and for the first time ever, had no clinical change – this made me a bit emotional but in a good way
- Been brave and asked a new gallery about stocking/exhibiting my work
- Had a gorgeous day in London with Jules
- Collected approximately a million feathers
- And loads more I can’t recall off the top of my head.
Right now, I am off to bed so I can be up bright & early tomorrow to head out to the Adnams brewery and the Southwold seafront with Mum, for what would have been Dad’s 78th birthday – and then back to the sorting when I get home.
(and tentatively hoping I might have my blogging mojo sneakily returning because this is the first spontaneous post I’ve written in ages!)
Summer diaries 2021 – chaos, overwhelm and kittens
Somehow it’s nearing the end of September, and the last few months have been a whirlwind – and not necessarily a good one.
A stress-filled August
August is one of the worst months I can recall in recent years, aside from the obvious – with some big events like deaths of two friends’ Dads, and the kitties being unwell but mysteriously hard to identify and fix, and what felt like unending small ones – taking my house apart to spray it for cats, a flat tyre, some tech issues, all the lights in my office dying within a couple of weeks so I was working in the dark, just loads of small stuff one after the other and it got to a point where I just couldn’t deal.
And the weather! I feel like it has rained almost solidly since I brought Malaika home – clearly this isn’t the case, but I’ve had a few organised paddles ruined by rain, and have been driving around with her on my roof because I can’t safely get her off the car on my own when it’s raining – everything slips!
There were some good bits of the summer, of course – rainbow hair, my own brand shoot, a lovely day with Mum for what would have been Dad’s 77th birthday, seeing two gorgeous friends I haven’t for ages, a family mermaid shoot, Emily and Ricky’s livestreamed wedding, brand shoots and a glorious headshot day, and another nibling born – but on the whole, the summer has been crazy and August was stressful.
I think June and July were mainly crazy with work and weird weather – photography and chocolate and stationery, oh my! I’ve been working on my art photography and have said yes to an exhibition next April, which is exciting-scary, and I definitely feel like I’m emerging from some kind of high-speed-blended treacle…
Reunited
The good bits first – during August I managed to see Rae and meet her fiance Chris, and we whiled away a whole day chatting in a pub garden in Cambridgeshire. It was glorious – and we had matching rainbow hair too! (Though mine was French plaited in anticipation of my shoot so it’s not that obvious in this photo!)
And then a couple of weeks later, Mum and I drove down for a halfway day with Claire & Diana which was similarly gorgeous – we’ve had a couple of dates with them which we’ve had to cancel due to Covid and some medical stuff, so it was wonderful to get us all together at last.
First time we’ve used the halfway pub (it’s the same one Lou and I use for our halfway days) and it was so easy for both them and us that we’ll definitely use it again).
Kitten issues
Mum was amazing when I phoned about kitty issues – Clover had lost a fair amount of weight while eating normally, and was having some problems with her poo, and both of them were throwing up more regularly than is ideal. I was having problems keeping them from mainlining grass and then throwing it up, and while I shifted them to the hypoallergenic food to test for allergies, I couldn’t stop them eating random stuff outside.
So the three of us moved in with Mum for a couple of weeks, partly to enable the house spraying (eliminating mite allergies for cats – Indorex is brilliant stuff, but the instructions are most confusing. It says to keep your animals outside, but also open all windows and doors to ventilate. Cats do what they want, so… we went to Mum’s 😂).
Being there also helped me to keep them on their hypoallergenic exclusion diet – which was not a resounding success, sadly. They weren’t keen on eating it which meant they were picking rather than enthusiastic, both of them kept throwing up and Luna had perpetual runny poo for the whole time we were there.
And we didn’t find one single flea or mite! Which is obviously a good thing, but made all the upheaval feel a bit pointless.
It was lovely to be with Mum, but between her schedule and mine, me having to find three days for the Indorex in my busiest month to date, and her staying with Gran over the bank holiday, we were a bit like ships passing in the night.
Now we’re home and I have cameras (which I am nonchalantly letting them assume are for security, not spying on which cat is eating what when), two microchip feeders which they are eating from but refusing to use with the covers, which kind of defeats the purpose of them, and a ridiculous stash of food which they’re not eating… joys.
They are, however, much better since Mum came to stay here overnight to enable me to go and see Lou and Evie for 27 hours – a flying visit which seemed to break the chain of my anxiety and stress, and we’ve not had any puking from either of them since. Though the fluffy idiots are still eating too much grass and taking ages to change to the new, skin sensitive food I’m trying them on.
They are, and have been throughout, totally happy in themselves which is a relief – I just found it hard to see them being picky about their food when they’ve always been happy, excited little piglets at mealtimes!
Things are on the up though
Work wise, things have been nuts – I have cleared my Covid backlog now and am looking very seriously at my availability for next year – managing my time so I am not a quivering wreck next year is suddenly much more important than it has been before.
Last week was a good reset for me – I had Sunday night with Lou & Evie, an excellent sleep as we chatted in dimmed light while baby Evie snoozed, and we popped out for brunch and vintage shopping on Monday before I came home. Turns out I am still good at cuddling babies but probably shouldn’t be allowed out alone with a pram 😁 and it was so so lovely to see them both – Paul was away on a training course and it was mine & Lou’s first overnight since she had Evie.
Wednesday saw me heading off to Paper Mill Lock with Malaika on the roof to meet Val for a leisurely paddle and a long chat over a cream tea, which was gorgeous – we’ve been much luckier with the September weather than we were in August. I’ve not got out in my beautiful pink boat as much as I’d hoped this summer so that was a lovely way to finish the season.
We are cooking up some exciting business stuff together! Also had a(nother) small world coincidence – the photographer she’s working with for the Crossfly launch is Dan who owns the Loft studio here, and who gave me the confidence to try studio work.
I haven’t ruled out boating during the winter but suspect I’ll need slightly more sensible clothing if I do…
And Friday brought a business meeting with an impromptu hot tub dip and non-alcoholic champagne – because my business friends are the absolute best!
Rainbows in my hair
My rainbow hair is happymaking and has lasted exceptionally well – I had it done at the very beginning of August, and while my roots are growing in now, I’m ten washes in, and only just starting to see where the top purpley-blue might need a little refresh. Vee continues to be a colour magician, clearly 🙂
It’s amazing how natural having seven colours in my hair feels, like the McFly girl but better… and while I loved my rainbows from last summer, upside down ones are definitely better for me – the deep purple and blue and teal around my face suits me, and my roots are less obvious, plus I can disguise them with dark blue dye if I feel like it. I had planned to go for vertical rainbows next time, with my hair sectioned – but I’m thinking I might do some kind of mystical blue/teal/purple combination instead. I definitely have the bug for having colourful hair right to the roots!
I’m sure there are a few bits I’ve missed, but I miss blogging here so am trying to sneak in and update occasionally – it’s a record of my life that’s much easier to access than my millions of notebooks!
Things I have learned from the summer of 2021
- Dimmed lights and no screens before bed are probably good for me
- I’m very lucky in my friends, which I knew, but I’ve realised how relatively unusual it is for friendships to survive as strongly when children come along. I’m lucky that when my dearest friends have had babies, both of us have made the effort to keep our friendships strong and bright
- My natural hair colour is definitely blue/teal
- Morning pages are essential to my sanity – I really do notice a difference between the days I do them, even scribbled speedily, and the days I don’t
- Reliable trades are extremely important and very valuable – when you find good ones, treasure them! I’m feeling very grateful for my brilliant electrician and plumber this month
Another 2020 check in
This year is both the longest and the fastest in the history of the known universe!
I have approximately zero time and way too much to do, but wanted to hop in and just leave a note for my future self about how fucking weird it is to be living through a pandemic while single, self employed and childfree.
I mean, I think it’s weird for everyone living through this – but I can only record what it’s like for me, right?
While starting to make notes for my annual review I realised it’s going to be an odd one, and I’m writing this from the middle of a second national lockdown in England. Four more weeks of things closed, no indoor or garden meetups, only being allowed to see one person from one household outside at once.
The studio is closed again (and we’ve today had a totally tone deaf demand for extra money which I am deeply cross about), and my income has dropped again, and quite honestly I’m fed up to the back teeth with the whole thing.
I just want my normal life back. And I know, I know it’s not just me, I know I’m among the lucky ones but I am allowed to feel fed up, and today that is my overwhelming emotion.
It’s increasingly hard to get motivated and up and going, even though I love my work and I love that my businesses are my work life now. Loving them with my whole heart doesn’t seem to have any impact on the hideous lethargy which has been creeping, creeping this whole year and now means it takes what feels like superhuman effort just to get out of bed in the morning.
I’m still achieving insane amounts of stuff, including filming my first video series for a client, and absolutely smashing the launch of the TEMPRD website – and I’m so proud of myself and my various little businesses. But OH GOD THIS YEAR IS HARD WORK and not in a good way.
Somehow still struggling to find time to relax – totally missed my Slowcation, I managed two days off in two weeks and then was back in full pelt. And despite lockdown I seem to be running around like a headless chicken and still not getting everything done that everyone needs me to do. Deadlines have never been an issue for me but this year I’m finding them more difficult to meet.
I can also sense changes coming in my friendships and my family and myself – but right this moment, it feels like we’re all suspended in time. No one knows what will be allowed in December, or at Christmas, let alone next year, so no one can make any plans, everything feels super tentative, and it’s kind of like swimming through glycerine. Or treacle. But treacle would at least taste nice!
Good stuff – new office chair got rid of hip pain I’d had for five years, in 48 hours. Kayak dreams are slowly building. Although lockdown killed my amazing record breaking month, the fact I managed to do it has changed my money mindset, hopefully permanently. Filofaxes and fountain pens make me really, really happy. Kittens are cuddly and wonderful. I co-own a chocolate factory. Ink Drops subscribers are picking up. This week I read an entire book (Jojo Moyes’ The Giver of Stars) in a 24 hour period for the first time since the start of the year.
It’s not all bad, it’s just tough times right now. And this blog turns 16 this month, and for such a long time it’s been my outlet, my diary, my therapist – it seems strange that I don’t update it often any more, but life just kind of gets in the way and I have so many other demands on my time.
So every now and again, I pop in and stream-of-consciousness my way to a small record of my life, which will be easier to find than notebooks. Although potentially more susceptible to future shit than notebooks, I suppose…!
I'm Carla, a quirky thirtysomething with a penchant for unicorns and glitter. I believe in magic and make-believe, and the gorgeous rebellion of making your life absolutely your own. And I'm a proud multipod!
I am a photographer and catalyst for small business owners, and a real life mermaid. I photograph people as they truly are, help women see and step into their brightest and best selves, add a sprinkling of magic to the mundane, and am a happy ambassador for stationery and slow living.
Proud to be both girly and geeky, when I’m not writing, photographing or daydreaming, you can find me dancing burlesque, riding my bicycle Bluebell, growing herbs and collecting typewriters.