How self portraits healed my grief
2007 and 2008 show up in my archives as self portrait upon self portrait upon self portrait.
In a time before the word “selfie” existed, and when Facebook was only a year or two old, it was less about exhibitionism and more about discovering myself and improving my skills as a photographer at the same time.
Following the break up of a seven year relationship with my childhood sweetheart at the end of 2007, I had no idea how to deal with it and quickly retreated into my own little world with my camera to try and make sense of my grief. While driving my friends and family to distraction with my circular thoughts and endless tears, I took photo after photo after photo, both posed and candid.
I started a 365 project which can be seen here, though not all the images are publicly visible – they’re mainly snapshots but having a zero-faff daily project helped so much:
Created with flickr slideshow.
They can also be seen here on my Flickr account if the slideshow is playing silly buggers (internet explorer, I’m looking at you…)
The daily ritual of remembering to take and upload my photo, of finding new ways to see myself, to pose, places to be – they helped me see myself as a whole person, not the half of a couple I had always been. I learned how to be me, how to be by myself and how to be happy alone… crucial lessons for rebuilding my current happier, brighter, colourful life.
In essence I suppose photographed my way around my broken heart, fixing the break with pixels and colour and light. The thing I’d adopted as one of my many interests and developed as a skill ultimately helped me find myself again, deal with the pain, shed my old self and move on with my life.
Looking back at those photos I took, I can see (because hindsight is magic, but also because I have changed so, so much in that time) the girl I was and the woman I am. I can see the pain I was in and my desperate hope that it would somehow turn out to be a bad dream, but I can also see my true personality peeking out, though at the time I didn’t notice it. And it’s like getting to know a little sister after a long absence… it’s bittersweet to see her ups and downs and I wish I could tell her it would all be ok. More than ok – it’ll be rather wonderful a few years down the line!
And as the catalyst for a curious life – well, seven years later I’m still photographing my way through this world, and learning daily from it.
I’m thinking of doing another series soon – drop me a note if you’d like to join me!
Postbox: handmade postcards
I wanted to share these fabulous postcards which arrived through my door recently from the very talented Chloe at Slightly Triangle.
Wanting to write me a note and actually put it in the post (we have an ongoing snail mail correspondence but we are both notorious for starting letters and not posting them till weeks later, or months in my case), she decided to use some of her paintings as postcards instead of waiting to get to the shops.
They made me smile just as much as what she’d written – and I’m very tempted to make my own for the return note!
With love and unicorns,
All about that bass…
I love everything about this song and video. The beat, the lyrics, the catchiness, the colours, the set, everything. It’s probably a one hit wonder, and it’s already garnering “holy crap she’s exploiting body image to sell music” type comments – but I wanted to share it because I think it’s brilliant. Beejoli Shah articulates it well.
The only thing I don’t love is the fact that Meghan is referred to as “plus size” in every article I’ve so far read. Wtf?!
But there’s a lot to be said for a song that makes you smile repeatedly.
Choosing a talisman
After last week’s sneak peek of the talisman jewellery I’m currently making, I thought I’d share the locket that’s my own current favourite talisman, and how I came to choose it.
From, and featuring an image by, one of my very favourite artists, Nicola Taylor, it shows her self portrait titled “Listen to the Colour of your Dreams”.
How to choose yours
A talisman should be a wearable reminder of something – a way to keep your dreams or wishes, hopes or beliefs, close to you. It should also be something that makes your heart sing – whether in colour, or style, or some kind of indefinable quality you can’t quite put your finger on.
Things to think about:
- the colours that speak to your soul
- words that have always meant something to you, whether in your mother tongue or another language
- objects or animals (or both) you are drawn to
- things people automatically associate you with
- your dreams, aspirations and hopes – what could represent them?
Thrifty finds: the Airstream Teapot
Extra post this week, because AIRSTREAM TEAPOT!
Jewellery and happiness
I’m sure I start every post like this, but how fast is 2014 disappearing to?! It’s turning out to be such a funny year – a mixture of ups and downs both big and small.
A few days away from the day job, in theory to work on my businesses and get myself organised again after some reshuffling, have ended up being gorgeous but not as business focused as I’d originally planned.
I’ve house hunted with a dear friend (and found one!), discovered I can drive a Luton van, experimented with glow in the dark paint, got Poppy through her MOT, visited my Gran, had a whole day with Mum mooching round the independent and charity shops of Maldon, fixed some jewellery, had lots and lots of kitty cuddles and started sketching out and playing with new jewellery designs. Which is exciting, as that’s been on hold since about February.
I’m planning to focus my new work on the printed pieces (wooden and dominoes) as talisman jewellery, to go in my shop here and also probably over on my Etsy shop at some stage. From trees to keys and owls to ravens (and of course typewriters and campervans and wings!), I hope that everyone will find something that helps them keep their beliefs and secret wishes by their side always.
Annastasia and I have also been having a glorious time choosing new stock for Ink Drops, and one of our new artists lives just down the road from me – truly local!
Back to the day job tomorrow but I’m feeling ok about that – campus is so beautiful as we approach autumn and though there’s a huge amount of work to be done between now and Christmas, at least I’m busy… my Creator and Scanner selves don’t deal well with boredom!
And this afternoon I’ll be adding more stock to my shop… so keep your eyes peeled.
Have a wonderful Wednesday afternoon!
I'm Carla, a quirky thirtysomething with a penchant for unicorns and glitter. I believe in magic and make-believe, and the gorgeous rebellion of making your life absolutely your own. And I'm a proud multipod!
I am a photographer and catalyst for small business owners, and a real life mermaid. I photograph people as they truly are, help women see and step into their brightest and best selves, add a sprinkling of magic to the mundane, and am a happy ambassador for stationery and slow living.
Proud to be both girly and geeky, when I’m not writing, photographing or daydreaming, you can find me dancing burlesque, riding my bicycle Bluebell, growing herbs and collecting typewriters.